What is jealously really and how can it help you?
- Health
- April 12, 2025
It’s the green-eyed monster that slinks into your mind, twisting admiration into resentment and magnifying everything you lack. It grips your chest, clenches your jaw, and sets your stomach on fire. Fed by comparison and fear, it clouds judgment and poisons joy.
“Jealousy is an emotional reaction to a perceived threat — often in relationships or when we feel we might lose something valuable,” said Dr Oksana Hunko, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist at Medcare Medical Centre in Dubai.
Jealousy is wired into us. From an evolutionary perspective, jealousy helped protect relationships, resources, and social standing. But in modern life, it often emerges from personal insecurities, childhood experiences, and cultural pressures. In highly competitive societies where success is constantly measured, jealousy thrives. Social media adds fuel to the fire by offering a curated highlight reel that triggers unhealthy comparisons.
So while experiencing jealousy is normal, left unchecked it can lead to self-doubt, resentment, possessiveness, and obsession with what you preceive to lack.
“Jealousy becomes unhealthy when it leads to controlling behaviours, anxiety, or chronic dissatisfaction,” warned Dr Hunko. “Excessive, unchecked jealousy can erode relationships, leading to mistrust and conflict. It can shatter self-esteem, keeping people stuck in a loop of insecurity and comparison.
“People often feel jealous because they believe they’re falling behind or that they’re not enough,” said Dr Hunko. “But jealousy is less about what others have and more about how we perceive ourselves.”
Dr Hunko reflected on one of her patient’s experiences, a 32-year-old woman from the UAE, who struggled with extreme jealousy in her relationships.
“She became anxious and possessive whenever her partner interacted with other women,” Dr Hunko shared. “Through therapy, we explored her past experiences of abandonment and worked on strengthening her self-esteem. Over time, she learned to trust more and feel secure in her relationship.”
Whether it’s about success, relationships, or a sense of belonging, jealousy thrives on comparison.
According to Dr Hunko, instead of letting jealousy consume us, we can use it as a tool for self-reflection and growth. Rather than treating jealousy as a negative emotion, she suggests viewing it as an internal compass pointing to areas of self-improvement.
“Jealousy reveals where we feel insecure and what we truly want,” she explained. “If you feel jealous, ask yourself, ‘What is this feeling really telling me? What do I need to work on?’ Instead of resenting someone’s success, use it as motivation.”
One of the most effective ways to reframe jealousy is to shift from comparison to inspiration. “Instead of thinking ‘Why them, not me?’, ask yourself ‘What can I learn from them?’” said Dr Hunko.
Jealousy often highlights the gap between where we are and where we want to be. Rather than allowing it to spiral into self-doubt, it can be a catalyst for action. If you’re jealous of someone’s success, take it as a sign to invest in yourself.
And at its core, remember jealousy often stems from low self-esteem. Building self-worth requires internal validation, rather than relying on external approval. The stronger our sense of self-worth, the less likely we are to be consumed by comparison or insecurity.
“Practise self-compassion, engage in activities that make you feel confident, and remind yourself that your value isn’t tied to external achievements,” advised Dr Hunko. “Because when you feel secure in who you are, jealousy loses its grip.”
If jealousy becomes overwhelming, there’s no shame in seeking professional help, which can offer clarity and practical coping strategies. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in challenging negative thought patterns, while mindfulness-based therapy helps in managing emotional reactions.
“The goal isn’t to eliminate jealousy but to manage it in a way that promotes personal growth rather than destruction,” Dr Hunko added. “It may be uncomfortable but instead of fighting jealousy, learn to listen to it.”
And that’s the secret: like any monster, jealousy shrinks in the light. It is a clue to what we desire and a signal for where we need to grow. The green-eyed monster will never truly go away. But its power isn’t in haunting you, it’s in guiding you. Real growth begins when you learn to listen, not fear.
